The Big Sexy Elephant in the Room

I am self employed, and like many self-employed people I utilize business networking groups to expand my client circle. Recently I was told that I couldn't join a certain business networking group because my business was considered inappropriate. Why? Because I talk about sex for a living. I also sell products that are designed to enhance sexual and body confidence such as bath and body products, massage oils, sex educational books and videos. I even sell dance poles for enhancing fitness and fun, and, yes, I've sold a sex toy or two. But why is my business considered inappropriate when the gun, cigarette or alcohol salesperson's business is not? Who determines whether a certain occupation is appropriate?

The truth is that while we may not all smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or own a gun, we are all highly sexual beings. We were, after all, designed and born to procreate.

Each and every person alive exudes sexuality every minute of every day through our gender roles and through our sexual identities. Our level of sexual confidence is evident in how we carry ourselves, how we make or don't make eye contact, and how we speak. We all have sexual desires, thoughts, and fantasies. Sex and sexuality are the common denominators across all of the people of all of the nations of the world, and across all races, religious beliefs, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.

So why is the topic of sex taboo? Why is the very mention of the word sex often greeted by nervous giggles and averted eyes? Why is the mention of my choice of career greeted in certain circles by sneers and scoffs? I've pondered this question for some time now, and I've come up with what I believe is the answer. Insecurity.

The greatest fear of every human being is the fear of rejection. Think about it. Why is the job of salesperson so difficult? Because of the fear of rejection. Why do so many people go through life lonely rather than ask others out on dates? Fear of rejection. Why are job interviews so frightening for many? Fear of rejection. Nobody wants to be told that they don't cut the mustard.

Rejection is feared more than death itself, and for most people the idea of discussing sex in any manner at all is particularly threatening because it opens each individual, if only in his or her own mind, to be judged for his or her perceived level of sexiness and, they believe, opens the individual for possible rejection. Therefore, my very presence in a room is threatening to some individuals. I make people uncomfortable because I make them think about their level of sexuality in comparison to other people's levels of sexuality. So, essentially, when they exclude me by giving the reason that my occupation is "inappropriate" for their group, they are rejecting me before I can reject them or worse cause others to reject them.

So what's a girl to do?

My knee-jerk reaction was to turn the spotlight on those individuals and expose their irrational fears for what they are, but I decided that likely wouldn't make me a popular girl in any circle, so I've decided to do the next best thing. I'm going to talk about sex in more and more places and to more and more people until I systematically convince each and every person that they are no less sexual (and deserving of that title) than anyone else.

I'm going to be the big sexy elephant in the room that figures out a way to get people to look at, talk about, talk with, and laugh with me--beginning right here with this blog.

Mistress HollyBerry is here to talk about sex and anything sexual. Birth control. Sex after childbirth. Homosexuality. Dirty talk. Lubrication. Seniors and sex. Sounds during sex. Unfaithful relationships. Anal sex. Swings, poles, and toys. Erectile dysfunction. Premature ejaculation. Prudishness. The list goes on and on.

Have a question? Send it on over. Have a tasteful comment? Leave it here. I welcome your feedback. Let's share some honest conversation about sex, intimacy, relationships and life.

Welcome to Mistress HollyBerry's bedroom. Pull up a pillow, and let's talk.

MistressHollyBerry.com a.k.a. Holly Connors is an independent Passion Parties consultant and speaker about all things sexual. Contact Holly at www.MistressHollyBerry.com.